Husband and wife

Anniversary Gift

Two men were talking. The first man said "I'm going to take my wife to Australia for our 20th anniversary".

The second man asked "What are you going to do for your 25th anniversary then?"

The first man said "I'm going to pick her up".

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Right Description

A woman went to the polic station with her next-door neighbour to report that her husband was missing.

The policeman asked for the description. She said "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair,an athletic build,weighs 185 pounds,is soft-spoken, and is good to our children".

The next-door neighbour protested "Your husband is 5 foot 4,chubby,bald,has a big mouth, and is mean to the children".

The wife replied "Yes,but who wants him back?"


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Mood Indicator

Wife: "My husband bought me a mood ring the other day. When I'm in a good mood,it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his forehead".


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No Taking Chances

A husband and wife were shopping when the wife said " Darling,it's my mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She would like something electrical".

The husband replied "How about an electric chair?"


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Lots of Volunteers

A man inserted an ad in the classifieds:"Wife wanted".The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: " You can have mine".


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Wife makes husband a millionaire

A woman was telling her friend "It is I who made my husband a millionaire".

"And what was he before you married him?",asked the friend.

The woman replied "A billionaire".


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Possessive Husbands

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,you can be sure of two things. Either the car is new or the wife is new.


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Oh no,not again!

A funeral service is being held for a woman who had just passed away. At the end of the service,the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall,jarring the casket.

They hear a faint moan.They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive!

She lives for ten more years, and then finally dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place,and at the end of the ceremony the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket.As they are walking,the husband cries out "WATCH THE WALL!"


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From a late night show

My wife asked me to buy 'organic' vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't find any.So i grabbed an old,tired looking employees and said " These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"

The guy looked at me and said "No.You will have to do that yourself".


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Boom Time

A couple had been married for 25 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy appeared and said because they had been such a loving couple all these years,she would grant them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand and boom! The wife had the tickets in her hand.

Next,it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment,and then shyly said, "Well I would like to have a woman 30 years younger than me".

The fairy picked up her wand and boom! He became 90.


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Moody Women




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The secret to a happy marriage

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

"Well,it dates back to our honeymoon." explained the husband."We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule.We hadn;t gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled.

My wife quietly said "That's once".

We proceeded a little further when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said "That's twice".

We hadn't gone half a mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife promptly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the mule.

I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said "Thats' once".


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