The 'Crazy' Times of India(2)

Talking to your spouse when driving banned- New Act passed overnight

Chennai: In a move towards reducing the traffic snarls and the increasing number of accidents, the traffic police department has passed a new rule,as per Section 284.56 Sub 4(a) of the MV Act,that a person driving his vehicle- cycle, fish cart,two wheeler,three wheeler, and four wheelers should not drive while speaking to his companion next to him. Earlier, the government had banned speaking on mobile phones while driving, as this resulted in accidents due to drivers not paying full attention to the constantly changing configuration on the road.

Of late,the traffic analysts have been saying that speaking ot one's companion in the pillion or in the next seat in the car,is akin to speaking over cell phones, and hence this practice,considered to be equally frought with danger,should also be banned.

Mr J.Walker, a senior traffic analyst,says " In fact,driving while talking to your companion in your scooter or car is far more serious and dangerous than talking in your cell phone.If the person on the other end of the mobile says something unpleasant,then you can just switch off the cellphone. But if your wife, sitting next to you,says something unpleasant,then the driver cannot do anything and the result is that he may go berserk." He also pointed out that 64.3386 % of the dents in a car take place due to unwarranted comments made by the person sitting next to the driver. And 73.468% of the drivers have experienced giddiness when their companions on the pillion reminded them of a few harmless remarks made in a domestic dispute many months earlier.

A car crash as a result of a couple arguing over a household issue

The Traffic Department,after consulting the analysts and the senior members of the public,have veered down to the view that it is indeed very dangerous to talk while driving ,and had hurriedly passed the act in the interests of the pedestrians and the drivers. They will be levying Rs.1000 henceforth, if a driver is caught violating the law.

Whether the new move will reduce the spate of accidents on the road and improve happiness on the domestic front, remains to be seen.

- Our crazy correspondent

The 'Crazy' Times of India(2)

Talking to your spouse when driving banned- New Act passed overnight

Chennai: In a move towards reducing the traffic snarls and the increasing number of accidents, the traffic police department has passed a new rule,as per Section 284.56 Sub 4(a) of the MV Act,that a person driving his vehicle- cycle, fish cart,two wheeler,three wheeler, and four wheelers should not drive while speaking to his companion next to him. Earlier, the government had banned speaking on mobile phones while driving, as this resulted in accidents due to drivers not paying full attention to the constantly changing configuration on the road.

Of late,the traffic analysts have been saying that speaking ot one's companion in the pillion or in the next seat in the car,is akin to speaking over cell phones, and hence this practice,considered to be equally frought with danger,should also be banned.

Mr J.Walker, a senior traffic analyst,says " In fact,driving while talking to your companion in your scooter or car is far more serious and dangerous than talking in your cell phone.If the person on the other end of the mobile says something unpleasant,then you can just switch off the cellphone. But if your wife, sitting next to you,says something unpleasant,then the driver cannot do anything and the result is that he may go berserk." He also pointed out that 64.3386 % of the dents in a car take place due to unwarranted comments made by the person sitting next to the driver. And 73.468% of the drivers have experienced giddiness when their companions on the pillion reminded them of a few harmless remarks made in a domestic dispute many months earlier.

A car crash as a result of a couple arguing over a household issue

The Traffic Department,after consulting the analysts and the senior members of the public,have veered down to the view that it is indeed very dangerous to talk while driving ,and had hurriedly passed the act in the interests of the pedestrians and the drivers. They will be levying Rs.1000 henceforth, if a driver is caught violating the law.

Whether the new move will reduce the spate of accidents on the road and improve happiness on the domestic front, remains to be seen.

- Our crazy correspondent

The 'Crazy' Times of India(1)

Short Term Memory Loss Widely Prevalent Among Students : Study


Chennai: Contrary to popularly held belief, Short term memory loss (STML), supposedly a one-in-a-thousand case, is not all that rare, and in fact, is widely prevalent among college students, according to one of the studies conducted here recently by Association of Part Time College Lecturers.

Short Term Memory Loss, a strange affliction, shot into prominence recently after it was known that Mr.Sanjay Ramaswamy,CEO, Air Voice Intl, too was affected by the same problem. People may recall that Sanjay Ramaswamy was found frolicking in the lawns of a women's hostel with a lot of girls without any apparent reason. It was explained that at that time the person
cannot remember anything beyond 15 minutes,and people
with this disorder can even lead normal lives.

But the College Lecturers' Association President, in a press conference, refuted all that is popularly known about Short Term Memory Loss. " It is wrong to say that this is a rare disease.In fact all the college students have this problem." he said."You slap a fine on a student Rs.500 for talking to a girl and within 20 minutes,the same boy goes and talks to the same girl, without worrying about fines. If this is not Short Term memory Loss,then what is this?" he thundered.

Some of the professors also privately concede that the disease has gone far too deep to be remedied. "Most of the boys have this problem and it is high time this is recognized and treated on a war footing. This has to be treated on par with AIDS",
said one of the professors,looking very concerned.

Students, for their part, did not look perturbed about the findings of the study and some even seemed to welcome it.

One of the students asked, "If it is true that we are affected by Short Term memory Loss,then we should be allowed to carry an Instamatic Camera, because it is a must. Will the university allow this?"

When asked for comments, the University officer looked nonchalant. "We are not going to worry about the demands of the students", he said casually,"because the students themselves are going to forget their demands in 15 minutes!".

-Our college correspondent

[Courtesy : Colleger]

Scientific logic!

Misconstrued Question

The male teacher in a girls school asked the science class: "Who can tell me what organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when simulated? Mary,can you tell me?"

Mary blushed furiously as she stood up.She said "Sir,how dare you ask such a question?I will complain to my parents,who will complain to the principal."

The male teacher was taken aback at first by Mary's reaction.Then as understanding dawned on him,he called for another pupil,this time a volunteer.

Lily put up her hand. "Yes Lily?"

"Sir,the correct answer is the iris of the eye."

"Very good! Thanks Lily",said the male teacher.Then he turned to Mary:"Well Mary,I have three things to tell you.First,you have NOT done your homework.Second,you have a DIRTY mind.And thirdly,i fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed."

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Better Understanding

Woflgang Pauli:"Do you believe in a personal God?"

Heisenberg: "May I rephrase your question? I myself should prefer the following formulation: Can you,or anyone else,reach the central order of things or events,whose existence seems beyond doubt,as directly as you can reach the soul of another human being? I am using the term 'soul' quite delibrately so as not to be misunderstood.If you put the question like that,I would say yes."

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Emotion in Lotion

A high school physics teacher had a summer job as a beach lifeguard.He noticed that the best tanned babes flirted throughout the summer,though they never found steady boyfriends.He theorized that: A body in lotion tends to stray emotion.

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Crucial Difference

Question: What's the difference between your professor and a terrorist?

Answer: You can always negotiate with a terrorist.

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Drunk Atom

"In principle,I am uncertain about getting charged,
Maybe it's gone off on the great cosmic wave train,
Or eloped with a stray alpha particle,
Maybe I am just losing my attraction?
Maybe I've taken one too many hits from the lab,
Maybe i should decay right here in this bar."

- poem by an inebriated atom

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Famous Five

The famous scientist was asked,whether he could tell what were the five happiest years of his life.

"Of course",the famous man said,"The five years,I studied in the first standard."

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An absent-minded professor

A notoriously absent-minded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter,the other on the pavement. A pupil meeting him said:"Good evening Sir.How are you?"

"Well",answered the professor,"I thought I was all right when i left home,but now I dont know what's the matter with me.I've been limping for the last half-hour."

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He and I

The great Logician Bertrand Russell once claimed that he could prove anything if given that 1+1=1.

So one day,some smarty-pants asked him,"Ok,prove that you are the Pope."

He thought for a while and proclaimed "I am one. The pope is one. Therefore,the Pope and I are one".

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Einstein's cat




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Unsolved

Enrico Fermi,while studying in college,was bored by his math class.He walked up to the professor and said"My classes are too easy!". The professor looked at him and said,"Well, I am sure you ll find this interesting".

Then the professor copied nine problems from a book on a paper and gave the paper to Fermi. A month later,the professor ran into Fermi,"So how are you doing with the problems I gave you?"

"Oh,they are very hard.I only managed to solve 6 of them."

The professor was visibly shocked,"What! But those are unsolved problems!"

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Science at interview

Question at an interview: "You are given an accurate barometer.How would you use it to determine the height of the skyscraper?"

He answered:"Go to the top floor,tie a long piece of string to the barometer,let it down till it touches the ground,and measure the length of the string."

The examiner wasnt satisfied,so they decided to interview the guy:"Can you give us another method,one which demonstrates your knowledge of physics?"

Answer:"Sure,go the the top floor,drop the barometer,and measure how long before it hits the ground..."

"Not quite what we wanted.Care to try again?"

"Make a pendulum of the barometer,measure its period at the bottom,then measure its period at the top.."

".. another try?....."

"Measure the length of the barometer,then mount it vertically on the ground on a sunny day and measure its shoadow,measure the shadow of the skyscraper..."

"... and again?..."

"Walk up the stairs and use the barometer as a ruler to measure the height of the walls in the stairwells."

"...One more try?...."

"Find where the janitor lives,knock on his door and say,'Please Mr.Janitor,if i give you this nice barometer,well you tell me the height of this building?' "

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Husband and wife

Anniversary Gift

Two men were talking. The first man said "I'm going to take my wife to Australia for our 20th anniversary".

The second man asked "What are you going to do for your 25th anniversary then?"

The first man said "I'm going to pick her up".

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Right Description

A woman went to the polic station with her next-door neighbour to report that her husband was missing.

The policeman asked for the description. She said "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair,an athletic build,weighs 185 pounds,is soft-spoken, and is good to our children".

The next-door neighbour protested "Your husband is 5 foot 4,chubby,bald,has a big mouth, and is mean to the children".

The wife replied "Yes,but who wants him back?"


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Mood Indicator

Wife: "My husband bought me a mood ring the other day. When I'm in a good mood,it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his forehead".


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No Taking Chances

A husband and wife were shopping when the wife said " Darling,it's my mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She would like something electrical".

The husband replied "How about an electric chair?"


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Lots of Volunteers

A man inserted an ad in the classifieds:"Wife wanted".The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: " You can have mine".


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Wife makes husband a millionaire

A woman was telling her friend "It is I who made my husband a millionaire".

"And what was he before you married him?",asked the friend.

The woman replied "A billionaire".


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Possessive Husbands

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,you can be sure of two things. Either the car is new or the wife is new.


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Oh no,not again!

A funeral service is being held for a woman who had just passed away. At the end of the service,the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall,jarring the casket.

They hear a faint moan.They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive!

She lives for ten more years, and then finally dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place,and at the end of the ceremony the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket.As they are walking,the husband cries out "WATCH THE WALL!"


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From a late night show

My wife asked me to buy 'organic' vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't find any.So i grabbed an old,tired looking employees and said " These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"

The guy looked at me and said "No.You will have to do that yourself".


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Boom Time

A couple had been married for 25 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy appeared and said because they had been such a loving couple all these years,she would grant them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand and boom! The wife had the tickets in her hand.

Next,it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment,and then shyly said, "Well I would like to have a woman 30 years younger than me".

The fairy picked up her wand and boom! He became 90.


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Moody Women




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The secret to a happy marriage

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

"Well,it dates back to our honeymoon." explained the husband."We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule.We hadn;t gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled.

My wife quietly said "That's once".

We proceeded a little further when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said "That's twice".

We hadn't gone half a mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife promptly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the mule.

I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said "Thats' once".


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A foray into the blogging world

Hi friends,

Finally i have now started posting my own blog... after two years of reading and analyzing many blogs... i ve noticed some things... first i am NOT a born blogger.. i just dont have the knack for writing blogs... to write an excellent blog requires a lot of creativity and keen observation powers.. secondly i enjoy reading blogs which throw light on real life issues, which is generally not noticable to the common man.. and last but not the least, i find only few blogs which are a collection of great jokes.. so here i am embarking on my blogging campaign, starting with a collection of my favourite jokes.. hope you will enjoy my future blogs.. constructive criticism will be accepted.. :)

Prasan.